Texas, why are you SO hot?

img_3829*I have passed away from heat exhaustion and am writing this from my grave, which is air conditioned.

Texas, why are you so hot? Why do you burn me when I try to touch the steering wheel of my car? And how come you never seem to dip below 80 degrees, even at night?

I would like to go outside for more than ten minutes this summer. I would like to walk from my car to my office without sweating through my shirt. I would like to leave things in my car without fear of them melting. Is that too much to ask?

Texas, you’re a hot mess. And now I am too.

End of rant. Roll credits.