This quote really got me today. I think it is the most true definition of loneliness I have ever read. What do you think of it?
This quote really got me today. I think it is the most true definition of loneliness I have ever read. What do you think of it?
I want to tell you about the best gift I’ve ever received. I’ve received some pretty awesome gifts in my 23 years on Earth (new camera, laptop, trip to NYC!). But the gift I received this past February surpasses them all.
As you may know from reading this blog, I was in a grad program in Germany. After several months, a pit began to form in my stomach. With dawning horror, I slowly realized that this program was not the right fit for me. The reasons were varied (the classes aren’t interesting, Germany is cold, etc.), but I just knew. However, I have never quit anything big before in my life. I didn’t identify with the term “Quitter” on any level. I’d dedicated so much time, energy and money to this grad program. Should I just stick it out for another year and a half? I’d certainly given it the old college try, but maybe I could try a bit longer?
But I knew in my heart it was time to go. So with trembling hands, I called my parents to tell them I was dropping out. They had spent equal amounts of time, energy and money on this endeavor with me. They’d fielded my teary phone calls when I was homesick and lonely, helped me gather the insane amount of necessary visa paperwork, sent me care packages at Thanksgiving, and even booked tickets to come visit me. So, so much. And now I was telling them I planned to leave without a degree!
As the Facetime video rang, my nerves mounted. They answered, and I immediately started to cry. Through tears, I choked out, “I’ve decided I want to leave my grad program and move home.”
“Congratulations! We are so proud of you for making this tough decision. We love you and your room at home is always ready.”
THAT was the best gift I’ve ever received.
The knowledge that no matter what I do or don’t do, my parents love and support me. Looking back at it now, I should have known they would react that way. After all, that’s what parents do: they love unconditionally. Unfortunately, though, not all parents are great at loving their kids through their failures or directional changes. But my parents’ reaction will stay with me forever. It inspires me to be the same way with my children one day, and I’m sure I will understand a whole lot more once I become a mama.
The other great part of this experience? It helped me realize that people don’t care about what you do as much as you care. They just want you to be happy, so stop stressing!
We can all give the gift of unconditional love to the people in our lives. I try to every day, and I hope this post can encourage you to do the same 🙂
Hi! Remember me? Good. I’m back to rant about something that has been bothering me lately. Ready? Okay, let’s go.
If I had a dollar for the number of times someone has said to me, “You’re so young! The world is your oyster! Oh to be young again!” or some other wistful, care-free cliché, I would have approximately 105 dollars. Which isn’t even enough to replace the breaks of my Honda. But still, it’s a lot.
Our culture is obsessed with youth. We glorify it like nobody’s business: young love, beauty, sexy bodies, travel, wanderlust, wild spirit, no responsibilities, spring break in Cabo, nary a care in the world. The list goes on.
Well, I am almost 24. I have been out of college for two solid years. And I want to tell you that being young is not. always. that. fun. Examples for your review:
-Need a job? Not enough experience.
-Need professional clothes to get said job? Not enough money.
-Not sure what you want to do? There are millions of options to disorient you and confuse the living daylights out of you until you have decision fatigue and are paralyzed.
-Who are you going to marry?
-Student loans. Yeah.
-Where should you live? Choose wisely, because it will “set your path”…
-An old lady at church just asked if you’ve graduated high school yet…
-Here’s another UNPAID internship (AKA slave labor) to “build your resume”.
Being young has less responsibilities than, say, being a parent. I’ll give you that. But it also has far less stability and support. No one else is going to get the groceries, not even once. It’s all you. I have moved seven times in the last six years. It’s exhausting. But you know what’s more exhausting? Trying to buy into the youth-glorifying culture that our society sells. I get caught up in what people think I should or should not be doing. I have friends that say “You shouldn’t tie yourself down! Just be single and go backpacking through Europe for the next five years! It’ll be great!” Then other friends who say, “You should start your career already! You’re behind the rest of us who jumped in the day after graduation.”
I honestly don’t think there is a right or wrong. Everyone has to struggle through this decade of immense transition and change. I just wish older people would stop making me feel bad for not enjoying it all the time. Because the truth is, there’s a 99.99% chance that if they could push a button and go back to age 24, they wouldn’t! My mentor and friend in her 50’s, when asked, said, “I do not envy you! So many big decisions to be made at your age. I wouldn’t want to go back.” WORD.
Listen, I know getting older has its negatives. No doubt. I’m just saying that every age and stage of life, without exception, has its negatives. And I want to work to change our culture to one that is more open and honest about those challenges. Maybe this blog post can make a dent in the conversation.
Are you with me? Let’s start together.
For some reason, I really enjoy hearing about how people met. Like, it brings me an absurd amount of joy.
So, dear reader, I will recount for you how I met my boyfriend, Trey. This is partly for your enjoyment and partly so I don’t forget any of the details!
I had just finished my Fulbright and was living with my parents in Fort Worth for the summer. I had was waiting to hear whether or not I had been accepted to the graduate program I’d applied to. Since Fort Worth is not where I grew up, I didn’t have
any many friends there. I decided to download an online dating app mostly just to laugh at the Texan cowboys’ profile pictures with their camouflage outfits holding a fish they’d recently caught. I’m an LA snob, I know.
I went on one date that was mediocre. Then I swiped upon Trey’s profile. He was cute. I liked his glasses. He went to Baylor University, where my little brother currently goes. I messaged him something casual: Hey, my brother goes to Baylor.
He wrote back and we ended up discovering that we’d both taught English abroad– him Spain, her Germany. We decided to meet up a few days later (jokingly at a German/Spanish fusion place).
We met at a cafe called Black Walnut. It was a nice place, but casual. I was so nervous I changed my shoes two times in the car!
The first few minutes were a bit awkward as is usual with online dating, but soon we got into discussing our mutual childhoods in the church, funny youth group culture, teaching abroad, going to small christian liberal arts colleges, having two siblings, and so much more. We had a lot in common…
The date was off to a great start but we were done with our food. So we decided to continue at a local coffee shop. We drove over there, ordered and sat down. After about five minutes, I see a woman walk past and I say, “That’s my mom.”
Yes, my mom had accidentally wondered into our first date!
She was so embarrassed haha. She drank her drink in the corner and left ASAP like a trooper. Luckily Trey thought it was funny and not too creepy.
My house wasn’t far from the coffee shop so Trey walked me home afterwards. It was sweltering Texan heat, and the poor kid had to walk back to his car drenched in sweat. The things we do for love!
We decided to go out again later that week and I said goodbye. On the other side of the door I remember smiling and thinking, That was the best first date of my life.
It was. And every date since has only been better 🙂
I’m not much of a foodie. Really, give me some spaghetti bolognese and I’m a happy camper. But while in Paris, my boyfriend and I decided to book a reservation at a One Michelin star restaurant to see if all the hype about French food is real.
Dear Reader, it is.
The night started out a little tense. The restaurant was intimate and beautifully designed. But I was so nervous! I’m not a cave woman, but I am also not particularly well-versed in the art of fine dining. There were many, many forks to contend with and we were by far the youngest people there.
It was a four course meal, and once they poured the starter champagnes, I began to relax and enjoy myself. First of all, the servers were so professional. They attended to and anticipated every one of our needs (Bf and I joked that if we started crying they would silently wipe away our tears!).
Each course was paired with a wine of their choosing. We started off with a potato and leak soup. The presentation was gorgeous! The portion sizes looked small to my american brain at first, but they were surprisingly filling. Bravo, France. Bravo.
Then we had a beet salad with a mysteriously delicious dressing followed by roasted vegetables.
Next came the main course: veal with potatoes in a creamy yellow sauce that blew my provincial mind!
But it didn’t stop there. Oh no. The cheese plate followed, then some sorbet to cleanse the palate before the chocolate soufflé finale!
I didn’t realize what a difference it makes to slow down and intentionally taste your food. Because I was in no rush, I savored every bite. I tried to dissect the flavors at play and actually think about what I was putting in my body.
I know it’s not realistic to eat this nice every meal (unless I strike it rich as a writer…), but I am going to try to apply the same principal of intentional tasting from here on out.
Thank you, Paris, for teaching me how to taste my food! It only took 23 years. Better late than never.
Are you good at making decisions? I am not. It is not my spiritual gift. In fact, I think one of the hardest lessons for me to internalize in life is that I can do anything, but I can’t do everything. Making a choice inherently means giving up the other choices. I ask because I have recently made a big decision. I’ve decided to quit my graduate program and move home to Texas. Boom. There it is. There are many reasons, some more private, but the main one is that the program was not the right fit for me.
As I was thinking and praying about what to do, I talked with my friend Sean on the phone. I was bemoaning how people might perceive me (re: You’re back? What happened? You quit?), when he said, “Micah, nobody cares.” Dang, haha! HE IS RIGHT. Nobody is paying as much attention to us as we think they are! Of course my family and close friends care, but his point was that if it’s the right decision for you, don’t let what others might think stop you.
My generation has so many doors open to us, that we get paralyzed. Decision fatigue sets in and so we just don’t decide. Of course, not deciding is a decision. So I’ve decided. I am going to go home, reassess, and move forward. Emphasis on the moving forward.
Remember friends, just because something is over doesn’t mean it was bad. I’m excited for this new season, and of course I’ll be blogging my way through it, so don’t go anywhere!
Exercise in the winter
Tell yourself you will go for a bike ride once it stops raining. Bundle up in coat, scarf, hat and mittens. Start sweating profusely ten seconds into your ride, but then freeze when you remove a layer. Peddle until your face is red and your lips have the consistency of sandpaper. Stop for a coffee. Stay for an hour. Ride home because now it’s getting dark. You have ridden one third of a mile. Repeat self-delusion for four months.
Deal with anxiety
Decide to meditate. You’ve downloaded an app for this very purpose! Light a candle, turn down the lights, make a cup of tea. Close your eyes and follow the soothing voice’s instructions to empty your mind…
did you take the laundry out? If you didn’t, it will get soggy…do you need to schedule an eye appointment for next week or should you chalk the problem up to ‘random medical weirdness’? And does your college roommate hate you because she didn’t respond to your text? Maybe. Maybe…
Turn off the app and stalk her on Facebook.
Do your assigned school reading
Get a snack. Your brain can’t function properly without fuel, after all. Stare at the PDF document. Read three paragraphs. Open Facebook real quick– post a picture of your middle school dance captioned ‘Throw Back Thursday’! Laugh at how witty you are as a way to stave off the growing guilt. Read three more paragraphs. Answer the pressing text message from your boyfriend asking how your day was (terrible), then return to screen. Decide to give up and do it later.
Have a long distance relationship
Calculate the time difference between the two of you. Nine hours. Alright. He times his lunch break so you can talk for an hour before you fall asleep. First try FaceTime– not working? Ok, switch to Facebook video chat. The connection is still fuzzy, so move closer to the router in the hallway. Wave to your apartment mates as they walk past, trying not to eavesdrop. Give up. Book a ticket home for spring break.
Overcome your Millenial-ness
Make a decision. Any decision. Try not to faint because this means saying no to all the other possible options.
Act like an adult around your parents
Ask your mom casually where your W-2 form is, and while she’s at it, could she explain briefly what exactly this form means. Tell your dad all about your new job and how professional it is (the blazers, the coffee, the copier, oh my!), then ask him if he will take your car into the shop this weekend because it’s making a funny sound.