Everyone knows in their head that disappointment is a natural part of life. But it has not been a large part of my life. As bratty as that sounds, it’s a truth I’ve come to realize in the last few weeks. I hear the word yes much more than I hear the word no. I live a blessed life- my parents are beyond supportive, my socioeconomic status provides countless opportunities, and my personality is extremely driven and ambitious. For instance, I got into my top college, I was selected to be RA in Heidelberg, I got the summer internship I applied for- the list goes on and on. It’s no wonder that when I hear the word no, I don’t exactly have the strongest coping skills. I haven’t had much practice!
Recently, I found out I was not selected to be an RA again next year. This was especially painful because I feel as though I’ve done a good job this year, and everyone in my program seems to agree. Even my program director was shocked when I told him. I expected to be rewarded for my hard work. I thought I deserved it. I legitimately couldn’t believe I was rejected. Now, I know there are a million factors that go into these decisions, and I shouldn’t take it personally, but I did.
Then, a few days later, I found out I did not get on-campus housing next year and that one of my apartment mates would not be living with us after all. Talk about adding salt to the wound! Not only would I not be an RA, but I wouldn’t even be a part of the residential community! I felt utterly disappointed. And I didn’t know how to deal with these foreign feelings. It’s one thing to say “God will provide” and another thing to actually believe it.
In the midst of my dejection, I stumbled across the verse Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I had a very specific plan in mind for my future, but it was swept away with the tide. I have to believe that the only plan left is God’s plan. And in reality, God should be my plan A. I need no plan B. His plan is always infinitely better than mine, even if I can’t see how just yet. There is no comfort in growth and no growth in comfort. God says he has everything under control and it’s my job as a Christian to believe him.
So although I’m ultimately glad there are more yeses in my life than no’s, I am confident God’s no is better than any human’s yes. He has my future in his palm- a future of prosperity and hope.
I pray my little rant encourages you to push through any disappointment you’re currently facing. Have a great weekend friends- I’m off to Scotland to cheer myself up!